Boundaries

Written By Dr. Sonya Boone, DBH, LCSW, MSW, MHSA

physical - sexual - emotional - spiritual or religious - financial or material - time - non-negotiable -

physical - sexual - emotional - spiritual or religious - financial or material - time - non-negotiable -

Why are boundaries important in relationships?

No one can exist without limits. Borders protect us. I am distinct from you because of my boundaries. Setting limits allows us to concentrate on the things that matter most to us. Relationships benefit from clear expectations and obligations established by limits. However, figuring out what boundaries you need to create might be difficult. The following are a few boundaries to explore:

1) Physical boundaries:

Physical boundaries ensure that you have a private space where you can relax or eat without fear of being touched. Your body language tells others how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch is acceptable, how much privacy you need, and how to behave in your private space. When you have a physical boundary around your body, it's obvious that your body and your personal space are yours.

2) Limits to one's sexual conduct:

You have the right to consent, to request what you want sexually, and to be honest about your partner's sexual history if you have established sexual boundaries. Your sexual preferences are outlined by the kind of sexual touch and intimacy you desire, how often, where, and with whom.

3) Mental and Emotional Capabilities:

It is important to remember that you have the right to express your own thoughts and feelings without fear of criticism or invalidation and that you don't always have the obligation to take care of other people's feelings. When it comes to emotions, you are solely responsible for your own feelings, and you are not responsible for how others feel. Establishing and maintaining emotional boundaries allows us to keep our relationships healthy and safe by ensuring that we don't share too much of our personal information, even when it's appropriate given the nature or degree of intimacy of the relationship.

(4) Religious or Spiritual Limits:

The right to practice your spiritual or religious beliefs and hold religious services in the manner you desire is protected by spiritual boundaries.

5) Material and resource constraints:

You have the right to keep and use the money you earn; the right to refuse to lend or give away anything you own; and the right to be paid by your employer according to the terms of your employment contract when you have set financial and material boundaries.

6) Time-Flow Constraints:

Time limits help you control how much time you spend on various activities. They guard you against being forced to do things you don't want to do, from having your time wasted, and from being overworked. They protect you.

7) Nature's Unchangeable Laws:

Boundaries that cannot be reneged upon are essential if you want to maintain your sense of security. They usually deal with issues of personal safety, such as physical violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol abuse, faithfulness, and potentially life-threatening health conditions.

How do you set healthy boundaries?

1) Take some time to think about your life.

To successfully introduce and set boundaries, you must first understand why each one is important to you and how it will benefit your emotional well-being.

2) Spending time exploring what's happening to you.

This will help you establish healthy boundaries in any situation.

3) Begin small and progress gradually.

There is a danger in introducing too many boundaries at once, so start small and work your way up. In this way, you're able to move at a more leisurely pace and consider whether things are moving in the right direction or if adjustments are needed.

4) Now is the time to set the timers.

It can be difficult to start putting boundaries in place, particularly in pre-existing relationships. It's much easier to work with if you can set boundaries right away. By establishing clear boundaries and expectations from the start, everyone knows where they stand, reducing feelings of resentment and confusion.

5) Consistency is essential.

Allowing your boundaries to slip can lead to misunderstandings and encourage others to place new demands on your time and attention. Consistency and stability are the keys to success here. Maintaining a clear line of demarcation between what is acceptable and what is not is an important part of this process.

6) Lay the groundwork

For example, boundaries are different depending on the type of relationship. In any case, if you find it useful, there's no reason not to have a few fundamentals in place that can be adapted appropriately. Every weekend, try to carve out an hour or two for yourself. Anyone who has an active social life or is close to family and/or friends should be aware of this boundary.

7) Use your imagination freely.

Boundaries are already in place in some aspects of our lives, such as the workplace. However, these are the bare minimum. If your colleagues already have some, it's fine for you to add your own. It's possible that doing so will improve your results. According to Austrian researchers (Trusted Source), employees who set personal boundaries at work reported feeling more empowered.

8) Be mindful of social media.

There's never been so much communication, but there's also been so much boundary blurring thanks to these platforms. If you consider family and friends posting personal information about you on social media to be boundary-crossing in the real world, your concerns are no less valid when it happens online. You do not need to engage with content on social media that's upsetting you.

9) Brainstorm some ideas.

When someone consistently crosses your boundaries, it's imperative that you communicate your concerns. Even if you need to voice your concerns, you don't have to do so in a confrontational manner.

10) Be your best friend to yourself.

Establishing clear boundaries is impossible without first showing yourself some affection. You'll have a hard time setting boundaries to protect yourself if your inner voice tells you that you're worthless and undeserving. It all boils down to one's sense of self-worth and value. To change your internal dialogue and feel more deserving, you need to engage in activities that release feel-good hormones.

11) Adjust your perspective

Even if we have boundaries, if they are rigid boundaries, it can have a negative impact on our mental health. Have some boundaries, but don't let them rule your life. You must trust your instincts at times. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that, as humans, we're remarkably adept at navigating our way around most situations.

 

Dr. Sonya Boone, DBH, LCSW, MSW, MHSA

Dr. Sonya K. Boone, DBH, MHSA, MSW, MSL, LCSW, is a Doctor of Behavioral Health and multi-state Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 15 years of experience spanning integrated healthcare, academic instruction, military behavioral health, inpatient and outpatient clinical care, clinical supervision, and telehealth service delivery. Her work centers on integrating behavioral health into medical, organizational, and community systems, with an emphasis on interdisciplinary collaboration, trauma-informed practice, and sustainable workforce development.

Dr. Boone currently serves as an adjunct professor at the doctoral level, teaching courses in behavioral health integration, primary care behavioral health models, healthcare operations, health equity, and healthcare entrepreneurship. Her teaching philosophy emphasizes applied systems thinking, ethical leadership, and translating clinical expertise into scalable, real-world healthcare solutions. She is deeply engaged in mentoring doctoral students and advanced clinicians in bridging clinical care, administration, policy, and innovation.

Clinically, Dr. Boone has delivered thousands of psychotherapy sessions across outpatient, inpatient, and virtual settings. She utilizes evidence-based modalities including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Motivational Interviewing, and solution-focused approaches. Her clinical expertise includes work with anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, trauma and stress-related conditions, ADHD, adjustment disorders, chronic medical conditions, and complex psychosocial presentations within integrated care environments. She has extensive experience conducting biopsychosocial assessments and collaborating closely with interdisciplinary medical teams to support whole-person care.

In addition to direct clinical work, Dr. Boone is an experienced clinical supervisor and consultant. She provides supervision and professional development support to licensed and provisionally licensed clinicians across multiple states, focusing on ethical practice, diagnostic formulation, documentation quality, clinical reasoning, and professional identity development. Her supervisory approach integrates clinical depth with systems-level awareness, supporting clinicians working in high-acuity, integrated, and resource-constrained settings.

Dr. Boone is also a coauthor and lead chapter editor on an upcoming Biodyne Integrated Care textbook developed in collaboration with the Cummings Graduate Institute. In this role, she contributes scholarly and applied content addressing integrated care frameworks, interdisciplinary practice models, and the operationalization of behavioral health within complex healthcare systems. Her editorial leadership reflects her commitment to advancing evidence-based, systems-informed approaches to integrated behavioral health education and practice.

She additionally serves as a U.S. Army Reserve Medical Service Corps Officer and has held leadership roles including Hospital Adjutant, Victim Advocate, and Suicide Prevention Leader. Her military service has strengthened her expertise in military cultural competence, crisis intervention, leadership under pressure, and behavioral health support for service members and their families. She has received multiple military honors, including the Meritorious Service Medal and Army Commendation Medals, in recognition of her leadership and service.

Dr. Boone holds a Doctor of Behavioral Health from Arizona State University, a Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University, a Master of Health Services Administration from Strayer University, and a Master of Studies in Law from the University of Southern California. This interdisciplinary academic foundation enables her to approach behavioral health through clinical, administrative, legal, and systems-level lenses. She is also a contributing author to scholarly and applied works focused on integrated care delivery and behavioral health innovation.

Her academic and professional interests include integrated behavioral health delivery, clinician burnout prevention, health equity, trauma-informed systems, military and veteran mental health, and the development of scalable behavioral health interventions within medical, academic, and organizational settings. Dr. Boone maintains active clinical licensure in multiple U.S. states and continues to engage in clinical practice, teaching, supervision, consultation, and scholarly writing.

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